Where are the ones who were ours?

Like the setting sun’s sky, the lingering memories come in taints of burnt oranges and forgotten yellows. I try to hold on to the feeling of missing and it just slightly, teasingly brushes on my face tangling my hair and heart. 

By the windowsill, I sit still playing the melodies of yesterday while wondering about tomorrow, the same old dress with the same reds. We are well versed with things like the sound of goodbyes and some others we always prefer to hide; the baggage along the goodbye. Sometimes it’s not a diamond ring you’re looking for but just maybe a conversation until the sun rises and a love that lasts. I found so much yet I was too little to hold on. Amidst the misty, blue and blurry world I kept rushing to pick and pluck and have my pockets full of trivial rather than significant and faithful relations. I kept running, gasping for faith, for truth and there I found none. Everyday a part of me eroded in search of something I never knew about. Then one fine day, when the sky had turned dark and I saw no way out, just as when I settled for grey came along a streak of red. Bright and looked so right! Suddenly I found a place to pour myself in a way I needed to, a way I never before got a chance to.
Everyday before this was heavy, my pockets pulled my down, tore me apart and I sank slowly.
Though maybe it’s true, some prayers don’t go unheard; the brokenness shows a way sometimes to a place which is real, strengthening and loving. It’s lit with baubles of happiness, dim but illuminating. Happy places don’t come with balloons and confetti but they gradually soak themselves in your skin and your everyday. Every day isn’t war anymore.

Sometimes what was ours remains in old photographs and letters, and after some time we find parts of us in someone new with no regrets.
Don’t just give up yet.

The last piece of cake

it’s said, believed, foretold, questioned, wondered upon “Do you love me enough, to let me go?”
I have been wondering for not since forever but this fleeting moment, the meaning and the purpose behind this tragic saying. Is love not enough to make you stay? I thought it was one of those things whose definition definitely has that aspect of an enduring, everlasting, eternal bond. Something beyond doubt that talks of attachment, admiration, the feeling of belonging.

But dare I question this ‘Love’? If this is what it has to talk of, then why let go?
And if attachment is weakness then why does this ‘love’ even exist?
It’s nothing to stay, because its consequence and conclusion lies in letting go.
I have a tendency of finding my answers, or jotting down what I feel within.
I like reaching an end, a conclusion. But here, I only have doubts. And this piece is only going to be hanging with lose ends, hanging by in all our memories. Just like that last bite of cake lying around, or the incomplete canvas, the unbounded album, the unwritten letter lying in your last drawer.
I don’t want to be incomplete; neither do I want someone to walk by to complete me.
I want to be a whole, by my own self. But then I want that one little piece of cake, a complete canvas, a beautiful bounded  album filled with memories oozing out tenderness, the complete letter stamped, posted and received.

I don’t want the kind of love, with the condition to be let go. I want the kinds to stay.

 
I am here to stay.

Its nothingness, stop clinging .

It doesn't just take breathing to survive in a world we have arrived to, takes a little beyond that. I have been taught and it is somewhat embedded in me to be the kind who gives selflessly, to be the idol being and I quite agree with it. Though now, there is a slight diverge from that belief.
There is a very thin line between selflessly giving and being foolish, and trust me it’s not a noble idea to be at the latter position. One goes round and round and deeper while giving causing a stagnant winter, dry winter in your own heart and mind.
Love selflessly but never foolishly and if you are there, keep your head high and not bent low cause your love wasn’t appreciated. You only lose a part which anyway didn’t feel the same but they

lose someone who feels absolute tenderness, warmth and an unselfish ardour. We have to fight to win, but when you see you are losing or maybe fighting for something which is long gone then believe otherwise; you are winning. Victory would not sink in today, but shortly when all that you held within just leaks out.
We deserve to be loved, and to love. And if someone or rather anyone chooses to see through all that you hold and self-harm by preferring all that injures them because making a change is worse than a life and death decision, then you rather let go and wander along cause holding onto thin air and hopeless declarations is only going to devoid you of sunshine and all the glitter. So breathe, and leave.
Cause no one is anyway asking you to stay.

Stop clinging onto nothingness.

go.

Make them fade, they anyway lie.

Lies are truths about life, that people can blind you and colour your thoughts in the most aching way. Lies injure you, and make you dwindle away all of that little faith you managed. It’s like we lie to get a hit, to have a muddled view just so it hurts little less in the head but we miss onto the ravage caused to our heart and soul, it scars and stays. Why do you do this? Why lie to me?
Is it fear?
Fear is that one thing that has ruined each one of us making living like a mission with way too many false people and false promises nicking away faith trust and whatever pieces of love that remains.  How easy would it be, if they could hear us, our thoughts the ones we have right when we are not together or while we retire for the day and every single passing moment is a message to them in our head and heart, ‘I think of you, even when you choose to not see’. But for how long will you let dysfunctionality sting you? You need to rise, it’s been a while since you felt the sunshine seep through your skin enlightening every vein every cell within you making you light and happy. There comes this time, when taking two steps back and one step away is going to make you move forward. Let go off all that you have been clutching to so tensely! You are missing onto the little happier things only because you think you can’t survive without them stinging; you can. Give up, it might add onto for the better.

Know the secret of this life; no one is going to fend for you it’s just going to be you, saving your own self. You can stand tall; your existence isn’t dependent on if they want you. Be so strong and whimsical that people will need you and you’d always glow in the dark.
You’re complete, don’t worry. It’d just fall into place.
Eventually. 

She flies with a broken wing

She flies with a broken wing.

Faith is funny, it works wonders at times and others it only damages. So she is like the girl who wears her glitter on her mind and her tongue fascinating and mesmerizing everyone who comes passes her. She’s the spotlight among the crowd, everyone sees her. She doesn’t see everyone though; she chooses not to see anyone. As a matter of fact its because she was born with a lesson learnt, ‘Everyone hurts’ which is engraved down her soul and that’s one instance where faith does this irreversible damage; it lets her believe in what she came with and nothing or no one among the crowd has yet had the brave heart to make her unlearn it. She is concrete standing tall and inside she is crumbling like pastry.  She sheds couple grams of hope for a better world every other day without any obstacle without any pillar to hold her up tight.

Spotlight; how does it even work? Does it make you outshine everyone around? Or does it just remind you, maybe you are standing alone highlighted by this careless light over done by pseudo people just like polishing worn out withering stuff. Even if everyone else standing out there is in a little darkness, they are together in that obscurity. That’s what she lives with in her mind, even though she is flying high above them it’s all with a broken wing. I see it in her eyes, the fairy tale she every night reminds her own self to strangle because no one told her it will all work out.


There is this girl, just around you somewhere where you chose not to see her beyond the spotlight. Grab the mind, make her unlearn because your baggage isn't the heaviest sometimes.

Happines; here and there

Where do we find happiness?
You know, the one wrapped with glossy paper, satin ribbons, and glitter? Honestly I have never come across something so amusing!
We keep looking all along, all the time relying on anything but our self for the happiness we long. Why not try giving yourself a good look in the mirror and identifying that maybe you could make up for all the reasons and just that little faith in yourself to be sure that happiness machine is the soul within, you will make wonders happen! It is quite a let-down the annoying level of dependency we have on people and palpable things to bring that smile. Smiling isn’t being happy, glowing is.


You glow only when you not just face and experience but feel it flowing like blood with little happy creatures jumping within, like the high one gets right after climbing the highest peak you came across, the wildest dish you ate, the toughest task you tackled! Oh damn, un complicate your life, don’t lower your expectations just maybe gather all you ‘need’ instead of ‘want’ and it will all work. It somehow always does.



You don’t seem to know what it is to be really having that sunshine feeling seep in every vein of yours making the world appear in good trance, the trance with the lightness and ease. I’ll tell you why, ‘cause you make outlines. You sketch before you know about it and then it hurts.

We wonder, ‘if you loved me, why would you leave me?’ All you have wanted is not always what you need! There can be a shocking amount of difference, difference of a galaxy too.

So find your happiness within, everything else will happen along. Don’t look for the glitter and gloss to make you shine, keep it as simple as a soap bubble they anyway make everyone happy.

-Me

It heals,everything does

I thought I would not have to be the one to say goodbye, but times change and so do our little promises and wishes. We are in the future, we thought of yesterday and as I see it; it hasn't yet turned out to be the kinds I would want to settle down for.

So, maybe in the future it’s going to come back to me, the same old glitter, same old dreams and desire to sense the little bit of that magnificent feeling.

It takes just a little puff of unruffled breeze to lightly brush across your conscious to get the faith back.
It’s funny, how every time I let go off my requisite beliefs, the truth seems to stir around me and slam a door, setting off this immense charmed strength to pick up every little loose end of me and beading every little part into a necklace. It’s funny to wonder why we sacrifice the ever enchanting lust. Why do we gather the strength to let go off the things that get us to experience the high? Those things which loosen our heads from our shoulders making us forget momentarily the obligations we all hold to the world?

Time is the strangest gift presented to us, it heals by hurting. Though we should smile at the end of it, and carry the happy face because eventually everything leads us to heal, even the wounds. So wear the happy hat, feel strong and allow yourself to make a few glitches, its life and not death here. Make it worth it.
It’s the last teen, live it.